May I Make A Suggestion?

It is both quite common and usual for people having a discussion about almost anything to disagree. Often, the real obstacle is that they are not effectively communicating with each other. Numerous studies of interpersonal relationships and communications indicate that most disagreements and arguments begin because it is unclear to one part or another what the other party is really saying, or really wants. One of the most under-developed skills we have is our ability to effectively listen, and when we don't listen, misunderstandings often occur.

Probably the most undeveloped human characteristic is the ability to be a good listener. The next most undeveloped characteristic is our ability to calmly discuss a difference of opinion. If we start with the premise that everyone is entitled to his own opinion, and that we are all equally entitled to disagree with someone's opinion, then understanding that yelling and screaming rarely solves anything, and usually causes an escalation of the dispute. The first lesson one should learn is to let the other person "fully vent" their opinion, and not to interrupt. Understanding how difficult that is, it means that we each need to practice it even more! Once the other person "takes a rest," instead of arguing, ask some simple probing questions, such as, "Why do you believe that?" or "Isn't there some other alternative?" Listen intently, and then try to summarize what you think the crux of the person's premise is, and the ask, calmly, "In other words, you are saying that . . ." Then Z.T.L. ("zip the lip") and wait for a response, again before stating your own opinion. What you are inferring from the comments might not in any way be what the other person means to imply, so it is essential to truly identify the other person's point. Once you feel that you understand the positions, utilize the 5 steps to overcoming objections as discussed in my previous Ezine article, about the steps to answering an objection.

Once you've perfected the proper and effective use of the 5 steps, there is one additional important step for you to consider. That is to simply say, "May I make a suggestion?" Human nature is such that even if the other person neither wants to hear your suggestion nor in any way agrees with you in any manner, that they will agree to this, as long as you say nothing after asking this question. These 5 words can be the most powerful words if used correctly, especially if used in conjunction with the 5 steps.