Basics of Influencing Others

While each of us hear and see many people on a regular basis, only a very few of these individuals have a positive influence, while others we either ignore, or often think of negatively. The type of impact we have on others, as well as how our message is received, is often determined by a variety of different variables, and how others perceive us, and what our message and persona are.

In order to have a meaningful impact on others, it is often necessary to first gain the respect of the other party. The entire process generally begins at the first contact. Studies have indicated that most people gain a "first impression," and that in a large majority of cases, that first impression lingers. Therefore, if someone wants to have a chance of exerting some influence over another, he must understand certain basic principles.

When one first meets someone, what impression does the other party get? Do they believe you are serious or a "clown," intelligent or not very "sharp," kind or mean, friendly or aloof, caring or inconsiderate, fair or prejudiced, etc? Many incredible books and articles have been written on this and other related subjects by such individuals as Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Og Magdino, etc. All of them emphasize certain basics or fundamentals, and emphasize how you relate to others and its impact.

Do you make confident and reassuring eye contact? Do you have a firm handshake? Do you have a welcoming personality? Do you appear to care about others? Are you a good listener, appearing to care about others and their needs? Do you prefer to listen, or do you simply ask a question, and then not let the other person answer? Do you show respect for the other person by respecting their right to express their view fully, paying attention, and not interrupting?

Few things are as annoying as the individual who asks how someone is, and then does not wait for a response. Few things make someone feel more ill at ease than to have a conversation with someone who appears distracted, preoccupied, or disinterested.

Most people's favorite topic is themselves. Even the shyest and most reserved individual will generally feel comfortable talking about something they are comfortable and knowledgeable about, and most people feel they know themselves (even if they are actually delusional and don't have a clue). Therefore, the best way to make a good first impression is to do the following:

(1) Greet others openly and in a welcoming manner.
(2) Maintain eye contact.
(3) A warm handshake, and a friendly "look"/ expression.
(4) Let the other person talk about himself.
(5) Actually listen, pay attention, and truly care.
(6) Ask some simple, probing questions, and listen to the answers.
(7) Try to remember details, by using "memory tricks."
(8) Mention the other person's name repeatedly, and remember the name.
(9) Make mental notes about the other person, and as soon as you get a chance, write down a few key notes about the other person. The next time you see that person, begin the conversation by asking the other person something related to your previous conversation.
(10) Speak about topics the other person is interested in, and rather than voicing your opinion, ask questions about theirs.

These steps are only a start. However, while making a positive first impression will not guarantee that you will be able to influence someone else, making a negative impression will almost always guarantee that you will not!