Are You, In Control. or Overwhelmed?

Nearly every individual faces challenges and obstacles on a regular basis. We generally must determine whether we decide to opt to reduce our stress, and thus control our own destiny, or to let circumstances control and dictate to us, and thus become a reactor rather than an actor, letting circumstances overwhelm us by succumbing to these stresses. The reality is that there is no such thing as a stress - free existence, because without stress we cannot truly exist. Rather, it is important to understand what the late Nobel Prize Winner Dr. Hans Selye emphasized regarding there being two manners of stress: 1. Positive stress, or eustress, which we learn from and gain important knowledge, experiences and expertise; and 2. Negative or destructive stress, which we occurs because we handle circumstances ineffectively and permit to control us, rather than vice versa.

Whether, in our everyday, personal lives, or in our careers (business and volunteer), whether we are in control, or overwhelmed, often makes a significant difference in our results, as well as how we are perceived, by others!

1. Why does it appear that so many individuals seem so overwhelmed by everyday circumstances, events, and conditions? What does it say about the individual that becomes controlled by these conditions or scenarios, and spend his efforts and time reacting and going into crisis management (or control), rather than adapting to whatever life brings forth? Since nearly everyone has heard the adage about it being wise to convert life's lemons to lemonade, yet so many continuously avoid becoming proactive, how can these individuals even think they will maintain the ability to control their own destinies?

2. How often do you say, or have you heard others proclaim that they were overwhelmed by what happened? The most productive way to handle one's life more effectively is to reduce stress (or even the consideration of stress) by using individual challenges or obstacles to make oneself stronger, better and more productively. In order to do this, it is important to work on our personal attitudes, perspectives, self - talk, conscious and subconscious chatter (no more negative words, for example), and to demand that we are proactive and control, rather than resorting to the generally non - productive alternative of procrastination, self pity, self doubt, playing the blame game, or attempting to avoid personal responsibility.

It is important to realize that those who let circumstances overwhelm them will generally roll down that slippery slope of ever - decreasing self confidence and self pity. The "poor me" perspective, or blaming circumstances that we let others control, rarely serves anyone well!

When Life Hands Out Lemons, Wise Men Make Lemonade!

We all experience periods of bad times as well as periods of good. Individuals who adapt to misfortunes by learning from these experiences, and somehow benefiting, are generally both the happiest and the most successful. The adage, "Life is not a bowl of cherries" tells us that not everything will always work out the way we hope, or even anticipate, and to understand that limitation in order to best adapt to circumstances.

Many people seem to enjoy complaining that life is unfair, and hasn't dealt them a fair hand. Realistically, life doesn't "deal," it simply offers us opportunities to either take advantage of, do nothing, or use poorly. There is never any guarantee in anything we do, but our "odds" of succeeding are distinctly enhanced when we take advantage of possibilities, improve our abilities, and upgrade our skill-set, rather than say, "I can't do that." Many individuals seem to prefer making excuses than taking the necessary actions to enhance skills that might be lacking (or need upgrading).
Obviously, not everyone can do writing or mathematics easily. All too many of those individuals, either due to frustration, inadequate training or education, or a "mental block," simply give up, and stop attempting to write or use mathematics, unless absolutely necessary. Others recognize their limitations, and use the opportunities offered to enhance their training, learn other skills, take training, or discipline themselves, and do to this added commitment, become "above par" in these areas.

A great example of using ones limitations, and "making lemonade when life deals you lemons," is how one might adapt to difficulty "keyboarding." Unfortunately, many, if not most individuals, handle this "obstacle" by using "avoidance techniques," and by avoiding using the keyboard, often neglect necessary tasks and duties, such as doing school or work assignments, as well as enjoying activities that comfort with using the keyboard would afford them. The individual who wants to "make lemonade," on the other hand, would find an alternative way of handling this circumstance. One such alternative might be installing and using "voice recognition software, such as Dragon 10. In that way, the obstacle of the use of the keyboard, whether due to a physical reason, a lack of patience, or some other disruptive "force," can not only be as productive as someone comfortable with the keyboard, but in many ways even more productive. This program permits one to use e-mail, word processing, PowerPoint, spreadsheets, etc., via the use of voice commands, instead of keyboards. The programs are easy to install, and easy to use, yet, of course require the individual to become familiar with the many features to fully take advantage of the program. For example, it is estimated that someone can "type" something approximately four times as quickly using voice commands than using the keyboard. Therefore, the individual who takes advantage of this alternative is using a potential obstacle, and instead of merely complaining about it, finds "another way" to function effectively.

In any chosen field of endeavor, each of us have certain strengths, as well as areas of weakness (or need some improvement!). Rather than resorting to terminal excusitis, seeking excuses rather than solutions, we would all be better off, seeking alternatives and/ or solutions. Seek to escape from the limitations of our self - confining, restrictive, comfort zones, by working on skills, etc. This may require additional practice, role playing, repetition, etc, and always demands commitment! Salespeople must practice their techniques, anticipate questions/ objections/ concerns, and confidently answer and address these, rather than trying to hide or escape them. The most successful individuals are those who go that extra step, persist and persevere, and exceed expectations. For example, consider how the most successful real estate professional carries himself, as compared to others? How does a leader inspire confidence and truse?
 
In many areas of everyday life, we find tons of obstacles where we have choices - - either complain and be negative, or "think outside the box" and find a better way. Successful individuals do not give up, but rather find ways to get things done. Most things are possible if one thinks positively!

It's Your Decision: Good Enough, Or GREAT?

Most of us, at many different points in our existence, end up having to make the very personal decision whether to end up settling for doing the easier or comfortable route, rather than taking the often more challenging route or path, which is to pursue greatness, in every action and mannerism of our being. This relates to everything we do, whether occupation - related, or in our personal lives! The more comfortable approach, for many, is to take that path of least resistance, because it affords us what we perceive as less risk, and thus permits us to hide within our self - limiting comfort zone. Therefore, we must face the facts that it always a choice we make, whether to opt for good - enough, or to aim for truly being, performing and behaving GREAT!

1. Greatness always begins with having goals, and pursuing the best course in a goal - based, directed manner. Good may be better than poor, but is rarely the proper or sufficient course for anyone who wishes to enhance, expand and live up to his potential.

2. Avoid taking the easier course merely because it is easier or more comfortable. Rather, one's pursuits must be consistently responsible and responsive, in nature. Positive thinking, attitude and outlooks are helpful and needed, but must never merely be rose - colored glasses in nature, but rather must be in sync with reality! In addition, avoid expecting others to do things merely because you think or hope they will, but rather maintain the highest personal expectations, while expecting reasonable actions and responses from others. One nearly always makes a greater impact when he behaves in a rational and relevant manner.

3. Enjoy what you're doing, and you'll always perform to a far higher degree of energizing and effective manner. One's personal goals must consistently focus on enhancing quality in everything he does and gets involved in, and remembering that broadening one's personal outlook and perspective, by being empathetic in nature, and perceoving things from the perspectives and needs of others.

4. Greatness demands an absolute commitment and adherence to the following formula: Aptitude + Attitude + Attention = Best performance. It's your personal decision, whether you seek to be normal and pursue being somewhat mediocre, or demanding your personal best in everything you do.

5. Take steps toward timely action, aim for the most terrific way to proceed, try more and harder than other do, and treat whatever you do or pursue as yor top priority.

Never make excuses for aiming for less than your best. Rather, understand that it's always your decision, and thus, it's up to you!

Listen More, & Interrupt Less!

Although we are born with two ears, and only one mouth, it generally appears that most people speak far more often than they actually listen. It is important to realize that there is a significant difference between merely hearing, and actually listening, however. While the act of hearing is, in and of itself, only an act of using one of our senses (auditory), listening requires discipline, as well as paying attention and hopefully being driven in an empathetic manner. The five keys to effective listening include: 1. patience; 2. avoid the temptation to interrupt; 3. listen and understand the actual meaning, etc.; 4. truly empathize; and, 5. when you respond, do so both politely and thoroughly.

1. It is important for each of us to understand that unless we are patient enough to avoid the somewhat natural tendency to interrupt, and remain patient, listening politely and attentively, and asking for clarification, we will rarely either develop any sort of personal bond, nor will we ever truly understand the concerns and cares of another person. Patience requires both discipline, as well as personal training, and usually needs to be practiced and must be part of an evolutionary personal development process.

2. Have you ever found yourself involved in a conversation where you keep thinking to yourself that you hope the other party gets to the point? It is valuable for each of us to understand that, for nearly everyone, their favorite topic or subject is about themselves, so exercising patience, and demanding if yourself that you pay complete attention, will help you learn information that you often will not otherwise be able to. We hear something and nearly impulsively react, rather than first assuring that we fully comprehend what is meant, rather than what we assume is being said.

3. Isn't it logical, therefore, to listen thoroughly first, and emphasize personal learning and comprehensive understanding, rather than impatiently interrupting and verbalizing one's personal point of view? Follow this simple procedure: Hear the entire thing someone wishes to express; Listen to all nuances, and pay attention to the non - verbal "tells," including body language, posture and facial expressions; Emphasize understanding in a non - judgmental manner.

4. Little is achieved when one merely sympathizes with someone else's woes! Rather, one should stress empathy, which rather than being a manifestation of pity, is a proactive attempt to put yourself in the other party's place.

5. However, solely following the first four steps is rarely truly productive or meaningful until, and unless, we commit to fully responding both politely as well as thoroughly and transparently. Effective listening must drive more meaningful and impactful communication!

If you want to be a better communicator, then begin to listen more! Stop, restrain yourself, and wait for others to express their thoughts, even if you disagree.

3 Basic Steps for Grieving Real Estate Taxes

Although various localities have specific mechanisms, nearly every one has a process to appeal or grieve one's real estate taxes. In most cases, this can either be done by oneself, or you can hire someone else (or some company) to do so, for you. Why would someone grieve his real estate taxes? One reason might be because most of your neighbors do so, and you will suffer financially, by not doing so. Another is, if you believe your house is being appraised for more than it should be, and thus, you will being paying more taxes than you need to, or should. Regardless of your reasons for doing so, every homeowner should realize he has certain options and rights, and this article will attempt to touch upon 3 of the basic steps in appealing and correcting something which might adversely impact you.

1. Comparative Market Analysis (CMA): Before you can claim you are being charged too much, you must create and present a basis for your belief. In nearly every locality, one must accumulate realistic, relevant, comparable homes, and compare what they are being charged in taxes, to what you are. For example, if you can locate 5 or 6 homes, which are similar in size, location, property, condition, etc, and their assessed values vary significantly with your home's, you have created the best initial basis, for appeal. If you are capable of doing so, yourself, you will gain the greatest benefit, but if you cannot, or don't have the time or inclination, contact a reputable company, to handle this for you. In many cases, these companies will charge you up to 50% of your savings, but remember, that's still far better than what you would otherwise be paying, etc. In addition, you'll only be charged the fee, if you receive a reduced assessment, and savings!

2. Show what others pay in taxes (or are assessed): Once you've identified the relevant other properties, show how much less they may be paying than you are. This is what you submit as your grievance, etc.

3. Fill out the necessary forms/ paperwork: Depending on your location, this process might either be rather simple, or more complex/ complicated! In either case, you must obtain, and properly fill out completely, all the necessary forms and paperwork. This is another reason many people opt to use one of the companies that provides this service.

While it is your responsibility to pay your real estate taxes, it is not, to pay more than you should fairly do so! If you believe you are being unfairly taxed, relative to your neighbors, follow the grievance or appeals process.

Business Ethics: An Oxymoron?

We often read and hear references to business ethics. Undergraduate and post graduate courses dedicate large amounts of time and resources to the topic. However, if one were to ask the average consumer if he believed that most businesses were conducted in an ethical manner, we would predominately receive negative responses. Simply stated, ethics can be defined as doing the right thing, the moral thing, and treating others with honor and respect. Related to business, this concept would include several items, and when we evaluate how most businesses conducted business, we would often avoid referring to these practices as moral.

1. One of the necessities of being ethical is telling the truth. However, when we look at how businesses, services and products are often promoted, the truth is stretched rather thin. One example, of course is the mobile communications or cell phone industry. Each carrier runs ads trying to convince us how superior they are. However, since there are no legal requirements even for using terminology such as "4G," and each carrier handles their lines differently, there is often quite a bit of variation. For example, going strictly by its ads, one would believe that Verizon cellular service is nearly perfect. Its advertisements makes claims about the clarity of its calls, how few calls are dropped, its speed, etc. While that is the case in some areas, several of my friends on Verizon service experience dropped calls, etc., in various areas, while having excellent service in others. ATT Mobility claims its system is fastest, and in some areas it is. I use the system and have had wonderful experience, yet, I know others who have been extremely disappointed. Sprint customers have similar experiences, and I have had wonderful experience with Sprint's Air Card, which worked well nearly everywhere I've used it. However, as good as it is, it is certainly not as quick as wired or WI-FI service. Every other service has its proponents, as well as its attackers. The issue is not which service is the best, but rather how the services promote themselves. While effective advertising is self promotional by definition, misleading ads are certainly not terribly ethical.

2. Have you ever gone into a store and purchased something, and the store quickly asks you if you'd like to purchase an Extended Warranty. While there is nothing wrong with offering this, nor with the stores making additional revenues doing so, have you ever been given a clear cut explanation of what is and is not covered, and the limitations. Remember, we are discussing ethics here!

3. Investment Advisers are another area of ethical concern. Is the individual an unbiased adviser, or is he simply a salesman disguising himself as an adviser? Both duties and functions are acceptable, but which is ethical? Yet, our leaders in Washington are discussing reducing the regulations on these individuals, and protecting the public, even less!

4. In Real Estate, does the average buyer truly understand the difference between being represented by a Buyers Agent, a Brokers Agent, and a Sellers Agent? In New York State, for example, by law, prospective buyers must be given an Agency Agreement that explains each of these. Yet, if the average buyer truly understood the differences, one would think the vast majority would prefer using a Buyers Agent, whose loyalty is directly to the buyer. Is this an ethical dilemma?

There are so many situations in business where there is the opportunity for a business, product, or representative to opt to either prioritize ethical behavior, or to merely do what might be expedient and in the store (or business, product, or reps) best interest, rather than the customer (or buyer). Therefore, one must wonder if business ethics is another one of those oxymorons, such as military intelligence, moral politician, etc.

Why You Must Write Goals Down, If You Want To Achieve Them?

Most of us have repeatedly been instructed that it is necessary to have an essential dream, a personal vision, and create important and relevant goals, if we wish to be successful and to achieve. However, simply having goals is not enough, but rather it is necessary to have a mechanism in place to transform goals into reality, by taking action. Many studies indicate that the vast majority of individuals perform and achieve better when there is a visual aspect to their learning, commitment, habit and behavior. It is for this reason that most great achievers have dreams that they visualize and which motivate them, create goals and an action plan, and don't simply think about or try to memorize what they wish to do and how, but rather, put these goals down in writing and refer to them often and repeatedly. Brian Tracy stated, "Committing your goals to paper increases the likelihood of achieving them one- thousand percent."

1. Even the most important and far- reaching dream fails to yield results unless it motivates the dreamer to commit to specific goals, which he then designs an action plan to achieve. In order to optimize one's results, write the goals down, first in broad thoughts, and then in specifics. Explain in writing your reasons for why these goals are so important. Then put them in a priority order. Then put them down with a time table or timeline for when certain actions need to be taken, and why. Create this action plan in such a way that you think your ideas through thoroughly, and you decide upon a first or preferred course of action, as well as numerous alternative or contingency approaches to achieving your most essential goals. Commit to these thoroughly and review these notes and ideas on a very regular basis. This will both motivate and refresh you on your personal journey.

2. Never forget that you must believe in yourself in order to achieve these goals. In the majority of cases, a most effective tool is the use of affirmations. Affirmations must be personal positive statements regarding matters that are most important to you personally. They must always be stated in both the positive/ affirmative as well as in the present tense. For example, if you feel you need to become a better speaker to achieve your goals, an affirmation might be, "I am an enthusiastic, stimulating speaker that audiences enjoy listening to." Note that the statement is specific, positive and in the present tense. Try this with items that you feel you would like to personally pay more attention to, or get better at.

Most of us find visual learning the most effective. Some use this method in conjunction with others, while many find it to be their preferred methodology. Write down what you want to achieve and what you need to do.