How often have we all heard someone refer to the need to listen
better, more efficiently or effectively? What would seem to be a rather
basic or elementary trait or technique for each of us to master, is so
often far more overlooked and ignored because most of us think that
listening comes naturally. However, it is essential to realize that
there is a significant difference between hearing and listening, and
often an even greater differential between mere listening and doing so
effectively.
There are four basic keys to be an effective listener: 1. Caring/ empathy and asking probing questions to further one's understanding and comprehension; 2. Patience and the willingness and ability to wait for answers, without interrupting, and asking for clarification; 3. Engaging in true and meaningful conversation; and 4. Learning and understanding not only what is being said, but finding the real meaning/ message.
1. All effective listening begins with actually caring what others are saying and feeling. Each of us have different perspective, and one of the primary and essential purposes of listening must always be gaining additional insight, and learning from others. We must always remember that we can always learn from the experiences, expertise, knowledge, and insights of others.
2. One of the most consistent inadequacies in many people's ability to effectively listen is that while someone asks questions, they often do so without any desire to listen to the response. Meaningful conversation includes getting to know and better understand the other parity to the discussion. This only occurs when our questions are used to gain insight, as opposed to the commonly misused approach of merely asking something in order to hear one's own voice. Unfortunately, it seems that many people are far more enamored with the sound of their own voice than for learning purposes. When a meaningful question is asked, the asker must be willing to remain silent and avoid interrupting, and listen to the answer. I refer to this technique as ZTL, or zip the lip, meaning that it is essential to know when to remain silent in order to truly listen.
3. It's all about engaging in conversation. We only are listening when the discussion is a two way conversation. One is never listening when both parties are speaking at each other, rather than to each other.
4. This must all result in learning and understanding what's being said. Unless and until we begin to devote ourselves to not only hearing, but actually listening and contributing to the conversation, there is little meaningful communication.
Is there anything more frustrating than having a conversation with someone, who you are certain is paying less than optimal attention? Success is often derived from becoming a better communicator. This always starts with true and effective listening.
There are four basic keys to be an effective listener: 1. Caring/ empathy and asking probing questions to further one's understanding and comprehension; 2. Patience and the willingness and ability to wait for answers, without interrupting, and asking for clarification; 3. Engaging in true and meaningful conversation; and 4. Learning and understanding not only what is being said, but finding the real meaning/ message.
1. All effective listening begins with actually caring what others are saying and feeling. Each of us have different perspective, and one of the primary and essential purposes of listening must always be gaining additional insight, and learning from others. We must always remember that we can always learn from the experiences, expertise, knowledge, and insights of others.
2. One of the most consistent inadequacies in many people's ability to effectively listen is that while someone asks questions, they often do so without any desire to listen to the response. Meaningful conversation includes getting to know and better understand the other parity to the discussion. This only occurs when our questions are used to gain insight, as opposed to the commonly misused approach of merely asking something in order to hear one's own voice. Unfortunately, it seems that many people are far more enamored with the sound of their own voice than for learning purposes. When a meaningful question is asked, the asker must be willing to remain silent and avoid interrupting, and listen to the answer. I refer to this technique as ZTL, or zip the lip, meaning that it is essential to know when to remain silent in order to truly listen.
3. It's all about engaging in conversation. We only are listening when the discussion is a two way conversation. One is never listening when both parties are speaking at each other, rather than to each other.
4. This must all result in learning and understanding what's being said. Unless and until we begin to devote ourselves to not only hearing, but actually listening and contributing to the conversation, there is little meaningful communication.
Is there anything more frustrating than having a conversation with someone, who you are certain is paying less than optimal attention? Success is often derived from becoming a better communicator. This always starts with true and effective listening.
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