Everyday Narcissism. or Excessive Overindulgence?

How often do we hear someone use the words narcissist, narcissism or narcissistic bantied around in conversations, articles, or discussions? In the vast majority of cases, when someone uses one of these terms to describe an individual or type of behavior, it is meant in a far less than complimentary manner. In fact, we also witness movies and television shows where a villainous character is referred to as being a psychotic narcissist. However, the reality is that nearly everyone possesses some degree of narcissistic moments. Often, there is a rather fine line between this type of behavior, and possessing a needed, powerful and positive self - image and attitude. In this year's Presidential election, one leading candidate has often been referred to, not only as narcissistic, but also misogynistic! When is it harmless narcissism, and when does it become excessive, and  overindulgent?

1. What are these narcissistic moments, and how do we exhibit them? Some of these include the rather normal desire that many individuals have to receive credit and/ or recognition for what they have done, performed or achieved. This is neither a positive nor negative behavior or attitude when it is transient in nature, and does not overwhelm and interfere with one's ability to move on and focus on the present and the future, rather than remaining in the past. When we maintain our ability to continue our quest to do more, and be more impactful in the future, this is a normal behavior. How often have you observed something happen to someone else, and your immediate reaction was how it might be interfering with you or something you had planned, or that it might inconvenience you? The essential differentiation between this being a normal reaction or behavior, as opposed to one that brings on a degree of dysfunction, is often how quickly one transforms his mindset from this what's in it for me? persona, to becoming a part of the solution.

2. When does this become excessive overindulgence and become a pervasive and negative way of behaving? The major differentiation is when we permit our ego to dominate over service, and needing rather than wanting praise. We are stuck in the me first of overindulging when the focus not only begins with, but remains fixed on, the I instead of the we (remember the adage that there is no I in team).

How do you conduct your life on a regular, everyday basis? How to you perform in your professional life? Do you follow the most selfish aspects of your ego, or use your strengths in order to better address the needs of society, and to improve the overall conditions and situations? It's up to you, and how you proceed on an ongoing and consistent basis!

How To Convert Customers to CLIENTS?

Business owners and managers are often confronted with being able to differentiate between obtaining customers, as opposed to maintaining and servicing clients. Basically, a customer is someone who purchases something, or uses some service, without commitment or serious consideration of maintaining any type of serious commitment or allegiance. On the other hand, a client generally feels a greater kinship and connection, and therefore, often becomes the type of word-of-mouth ambassador, who is usually one's greatest source of referrals and references. Great management realizes how important it is, to transform customers to clients, in order to become sustainable and profitable. Whether a product or a service is being offered, clients become repeat customers, and this conversion process eases the process of constantly searching, spending time, money and other resources, because the lifetime revenue per client, is significantly greater than per customer. Here is a mnemonic approach to developing CLIENTS.

1. Change your focus; create a bond; truly care: Wouldn't it make sense to spend far more time servicing and satisfying happy clients, than constantly needing to obtain disposable customers? This requires changing your focus and approach, and caring enough to create a connection or bond, that develops a loyalty from your clientele!

2. Learn about them; let them know/understand you care about them: Customers will not become clients, merely because you intend to do so! Rather, the process requires a consistent approach, where you effectively listen, and serve their needs, addressing their priorities and concerns. You must communicate and articulate your message, in a way that comforts and connects!

3. Integrity; ideas; integral: You can't fake it, but rather your integrity must be absolute! How will your ideas benefit others? Why should others feel, your business, etc, is integral, and important, for them?

4. Energize; earn respect; empathy: Others become energized and enthusiastic, when you proceed with a high degree of inspiration energy. Don't merely do anything, but do so, with empathy and caring! Don't expect, but rather earn their respect!

5. Needs-oriented; develop a niche: A great manager learns from the successes and/or failures of other, similar organizations. However, no business should aim to merely become a mirror-image, or carbon-copy of another, but rather should develop, communicate and articulate its specific niche, and do so effectively, and with a purpose that attracts others, to want to do business with you. This may be factors such as: individual/personal service; quality; selection; options, etc.

6. Treatment; take care; timeliness: Ask yourself if you are treating those you do business with, the way you'd want to be treated? Do you take the time, and make the effort, to create an optimal experience? How timely and relevant are your products, efforts, and/or services?

7. Satisfy; strengthen; solve: What will you do, to not only provide some service, or sell some product, in order to create a higher/better level of quality and satisfaction? How can you make your company, etc., stronger and more relevant? Will you become a major component in the solution, or merely an extension of the proverbial, problem?

Most companies (as well as many independent representatives, such as Real Estate professionals) fail to differentiate between customers and clients, at least until, it become dangerously late, or crisis-ready! Will you make them your CLIENTS?

If All Else Fails, Your Last Resort is to Make a Suggestion

You've attempted everything you know to convince someone. You have utilized and employed every technique and methodology to try to make your point in a convincing, winning way. You have used the "Five Steps" method of answering objections, and been effectively listening to the other party. Yet, you still are unable to "close the deal." What should you do next?

The typical reaction is that most individuals simply give up their efforts, figuring that they have done everything they could, and still not succeeded. However, in most cases, they probably have not. When you've tried everything you know, and retried in the proper manner, and still do not get the reaction you are looking for, and desire, yet you are convinced that your point is well considered, thought out, and the correct approach, there still is one additional technique to employ. At this stage, you should simply say, "May I make a suggestion?" Once you say that, it is essential that you stop speaking.

While many individuals find it relatively simple to decline an offer, or at the very least, either procrastinate, delay, or stall, almost no one will respond negatively when you ask that question. However, this technique will only be effective if you steadfastly obey the "ZTL" method. "ZTL," or "zip the lip" means that you say nothing until the other individual responds. The basic rule of this philosophy is that whoever speaks first after a question, loses this part of the "game."

Once you get an affirmative response to, "May I make a suggestion?" which you will, even if the other party doesn't want you to, is that you must take advantage of the opportunity. The best method is to begin to ask probing questions, like, "I am a little confused because most people I've explained this to decide to pursue it further. What exactly is it about this idea that keeps you from acting?"
Once you say that, once again employ "ZTL" and wait for an answer. Listen intently, and respond to the individuals concerns. Often a stumbling block is that people tell you that "I want to think about it," which really, in most cases, is little more than either a delaying tactic, or a pleasant way to say no. Answer each and every question and concern concisely and precisely, in a calm and patient manner.

It is important to eventually re-close on an action regarding the concept or idea. In my three decades of training, I have witnessed some fabulous presentations that did not achieve the desired result simply because the presenter did not close and re-close. Your final suggestion is the "sample order" approach, recommending an individual try something in a very limited manner for a specific period, and if it is not everything you say, then terminating the relationship. You must, however, always be open and honest in your presentation, or you will never have a satisfactory relationship in this situation.

So Much Emphasis on Social Media, But, Is It Really Social??

Everyone talks about how important the use of Social Media is today. Depending on how comprehensive a definition you wish to use, social media can include sites like Facebook, Flikr, LinkedIn, Twitter, Active Rain, MySpace, YouTube, etc., as well as Blogs, e-mail, personal or business websites, etc. But are these sites really social? Granted you contact many other people. But far too often these sites are used so that an individual can somewhat anonymously "speak" to others, without having to make eye contact. In many cases, social media has actually had the effect of making people less sociable, preferring to use the less personal avenues because they are often more "comfortable."

While I completely believe in using these media and extensively do, I still believe the "old-fashioned" method of "face-to-face" contact, or picking up a phone, are still more effective. Social media is best used to drive a reader's attention to a more detailed blog or website. Those formats drive business or contacts to the writer or creator of the site/ blog. However, the use and effectiveness of a Blog or a website is ONLY as effective as how well that vehicle stirs interest or excitement in the reader. Blogs and websites must meet a reader's expectations, or they will only be looked at once!

Think about how often you send an e-mail and don't get a response. Or the response doesn't answer the question, or elicits another question. Think of the amount of time and energy that have been wasted, when simply picking up the phone might have quickly resolved the issue. Many people rely on e-mail, for example, rather than the telephone, because they find it easier, more comfortable. Others find it easier to express themselves, especially negatively, in an e-mail rather than in a phone call.

E-mail and social media are best used either as an introduction, or a follow-up to other forms of contact, or when the other more personal forms are impossible to achieve. It's useful as a reminder, add - on, or way to gain additional attention, etc! For example, statistics indicate that the "closing ratio" (or percentage of sales to contacts) is far higher with calls than with e-mails. Statistically, face-to-face is most effective, however.

I fear that far too many are becoming too dependent on this non-personal form of communication, and that important messages might be misconstrued. The argument is sometimes made that it is faster and easier to use e-mail than the phone. While it may be easier at the moment, because of the lag-time, the incorrect interpretations, and the back and forth, the reality is that often a phone call accomplishes a task much more effectively and efficiently. While an e-mail might suffice for simple announcements, or less pressing issues, it often is not the best medium for more urgent issues. Think about it.

Why Great Negotiators Are Superb Listeners?

We often perceive that one is great negotiator because of his personal strength, commitment, ability and perseverance or persistence. While all of these factors are needed and involved, one that is too often overlooked is the need to be a superb, effective listener. When someone listens carefully, he is able to understand more clearly the needs of his negotiating adversary, and can better proceed to achieve a meeting of the minds that nearly always determines the success of that negotiation. These skills are important ones, whether you are negotiating a contract, a real - estate deal, or in some inter = personal dealings! Effective negotiating necessitates having the ability to:

1. clearly communicate the needs of both parties;

2. relate to not only the position you represent but also the opposing one;

3. have a willingness to thoroughly discuss needs and priorities;

4. sufficient communication needs and patience to explain your position; and, finally and perhaps most essentially,

5. listen to concerns in an empathetic manner.

1. What does communication mean as it relates to negotiations? Unless both parties clearly communicate their positions, it becomes nearly impossible to develop the needed atmosphere and forum to achieve needed objectives.

2. Can you relate to the other person or party's positions, needs and points of view? Unless someone is willing to dedicate himself to relate to and empathize with his adversary, how can they develop the path towards win - win negotiations?

3. Don't ever assume that the other party knows what you need, or that you know what they need! Rather, take the time to ask clarifying and informative questions, and get to know each other before you begin the nitty gritty of actual negotiating.

4. Once you've followed the first three steps in a thorough manner, take the time and effort to explain in detail what you're looking for, why it is so essential and important, and ask for feedback and give and take. The better both parties commit to the explanation process, the better the possibility of an impactful and meaningful agreement.

5. The previous steps all depend on this one. The basis of negotiations must be to listen to concerns, needs, and objections voiced. One reason that many negotiations break down is that the two sides interrupt each other, speak at instead of to each other (or even better, with each other!), and overlook needs, concerns, etc. In order for any negotiation to be successful, especially in the longer term, it must be approached from the point of view of win - win, rather than merely being oppositional or greedy. The better the two sides get to know each other, invariably, the better the results.

If you want to negotiate effectively, begin with being an effective listener! How can you possibly come to a meeting of the minds if you don't understand both sides of the position?

How To Effectively Conduct an Interview?

There have been numerous articles and books written about how one should prepare himself for an interview. Yet, there is far less written about what the interviewer should do. Having interviewed hundreds of applicants in numerous fields, and trained others in the basics of interviewing, it still amazes me that the typical interviewer is so ineffective in ascertaining information to base a definitive decision about an interviewee.This is also relevant to a salesperson or representative meeting a potential client, for the first time, because only when one enhances his overall perception, does he optimize his performance and skills.
 
A large number of interviewers do not carefully review resumes prior to the interview. An effective interviewer should be able to "read through the B.S." that appears on a resume, and get to the gist of the relative information. Many interviewers spend too much time talking, and not enough time listening. Too many interviewers go into the interview process unclear about what they are really looking for or need; what are the priorities; which is more important - - experience, expertise, or training/ education; what kind of prior experience is truly relevant to the proper and efficient performance of this job, etc.

An interviewer should be prepared and follow the following steps and procedures:

(1) Thoroughly pre-read a resume, mark it up, and ask probing, relevant questions;

(2) Ask the applicant what they are looking for - - is it a job or a career? Listen carefully to the response, and if it is answered with the politically correct-type rhetoric and fancy language, ask, "What do you mean by that? How would that apply?"

(3) Ask applicant what they know about your company or organization.

(4) Pick out several of the items from the resume - - one at a time - - and ask how that experience relates to this position.

(5) Don't simply accept rhetoric as responses, but ask questions like, "What do you mean by that?"

(6) What is the posture of the applicant?

(7) Does applicant make eye contact?

(8) Ask what greatest strengths are. Then ask follow up questions about how those strengths apply. Examine how you feel about these responses.

(9) Ask what biggest weaknesses are. Everyone has weaknesses - - see how honestly and directly the applicant answers this, and what this tells you about the individual.

(10) Briefly explain what the position being offered is. Then ask, why the applicant feels he is qualified for this position.

(11) Briefly explain your expectations. Ask for a response.

(12) Take notes during the interview so that you remember what you like and don't like about the applicant..

(13) Ask if applicant has any other questions. An applicant should. Answer them briefly and to the point.

(14) Don't get "buddy-buddy." Be friendly, but remember this is an interview, and you should maintain control.

(15) Stand up and thank the applicant for coming, and give a finite date when you will notify applicant of a decision. Keep your word and contact applicant - - pro or con - - by that date! Shake applicants hand. How does applicant's handshake make you feel about him or her.

(16) As soon as applicant leaves, take a couple of minutes and write your comments and/ or reflections on the resume. Make two columns- pro and con, and evaluate candidate that way. Give the candidate an overall rating.

(17) The final consideration - - How did you personally feel about this applicant? Is this the type of individual you would want to work with? Do you feel the applicant is qualified? Do you have an overall positive or negative impression? What do you believe are the intangibles that may impact your decision positively or negatively regarding this applicant?

If an interviewer follows guidelines like these, and customizes them to fit both need and the interviewers personality and style, better hiring results would ensue. To optimize results, this type of systematization is necessary!

Is Inflation A Good or Bad Thing, & Other Lies, Distortions, & Half - Truths?

Economics, economic theories, and political realities often cross paths, and make many people wonder what's going on. We have offered heard about the dangers of inflation, the dangers of recession, and other similar terminology, yet most of us will hear the media, and especially the business media, one day warn of the risk of inflation, and another day cite the lower than anticipated inflation rate as something to be concerned about. There are even different sets of indexes, one that includes core items (whatever that really means) and another that measures the inflation rate including energy costs.

The only thing that most American consumers concern themselves about from day to day, is how these costs impact them; whether they feel like they are better off than they were, regarding spending power, income, etc.  Is their cost of living going up, staying the same, or going down. I have not met anyone recently that has told me that he feels that things are costing him less, even though we supposedly have a very low inflation rate! At the supermarket, manufacturers continue their clever "game" of effectively raising prices by keeping prices the same but reducing the package size. Shouldn't pricing be considered for these cost of living indexes the way the unit pricing is required by a lot of states, that is, by showing the cost per ounce, or per serving? Most of us have observed increased costs in milk, most meats, fowl, fish, cans of soda, bottles of soda, etc. Yet, we are being told that there is no or little inflation.

Gas prices are constantly fluctuating, yet the pattern is that prices go up over time, even though we are presently in a period where gas prices are low. But, have you ever noticed, that the price at the pump immediately goes up, when crude oil rises (even though it takes at least 60-90 days to become gas), but does not drop nearly as quickly when crude prices fall> About the only thing that has not kept pace with these increases is average wages. Many workers are being paid for fewer hours, while others have been laid off. The unemployment rate statistically is about 5%, but realistically is more than 9%. Many Americans are either under-employed or unemployed, and this has been going on for so long, that, for many, unemployment benefits are expiring, or have already done so. If these people's benefits run out, the statistics will show a lower unemployment rate, because the official statistics does not count people not collecting benefits. It also does not count individuals who owned small businesses, that had to go out of business, because owners of these types of businesses are generally not eligible for unemployment.

The bottom line is that statistics are misleading. There is an old saying that the difference between a recession and a depression is, that it's a recession when it happens to someone else, and a depression when it happens to you. It is time for the American public to demand that our government officials stop partisan politics, and realistically address the economy and the joblessness issues, making those the overwhelming top priorities.