The LURES Of Negotiating

One of the most important skills each of us need to develop and enhance is to become a truly effective negotiator. In nearly every aspect of our lives, business, personal, organization, etc., we very often discover ourselves in a situation that rerquires negotiating skills. Since there are very few, if any, scenarios when there is total and complete agreement, we end up in some sort of negotiations if we wish to get things accomplished. Imagine family situations, especially either between siblings, between spouses, or between parent and children, and think about how often there is a need to negotiate? Most businesses need to make certain choices and/ or decisions on a daily basis, if they are to progress in a meaningful basis. Perhaps one of the biggest stumbling blocks that occur in politics is that there are a dearth of political leaders that are effective negotiators. Perhaps the single most essential asset needed to be a great real estate professional, is the willingness and ability to be the best possible negotiator, understanding clearly what is needed, and created a perceived win - win scenario, etc., by all involved in the transaction. Those desirous of becoming effective and meaningful negotiators should prioritize the LURE of negotiating: listen; understand; repeat; empathize; and seize control of the situation.

1. It all begins with being an effective listener. This means that you not only pay attention and hear what others say, but commit to acquiring all necessary facts and information that will make you have more clarity.

2. While listening is an essential first step, unless it is followed by understanding what is both being said, and what is left unsaid, there is little opportunity to communicate in a manner that accomplishes one's goals and aspirations. This requires follow up questions that probe as deeply as possible, so as to realize the nuances and meanings that the other person is implying.

3. Once one feels that he has a clearer understanding of the needs, wants and position of the other person, there is a need to repeat what one believes is being said, doing so in the form of a question, in order to get agreement as to what needs to be discussed, and the issues involved.

4. While the first three steps are quite important, perhaps the most essential component and often overlooked one, is being empathetic. An individual must be empathetic without appearing sympathetic. Empathy may simply be considered as putting yourself in the other person's place (so as to better understand both how they feel and the needs), while sympathy is merely feeling sorry for someone (which may be appropriate in short doses in certain scenarios, but almost never in negotiating situations).

5. All of these preliminary steps need to culminate in a position where an effective negotiator is able to seize control of the situation. It is important to understand, however, that gaining control is far different than trying to negate the other party's needs. Rather, when you are able to maintain control, you can move the negotiation forward in progressive manner, striving for the goal of win - win results.

Since negotiating skills are so important, doesn't it make sense for each of us to become better at them? Therefore, doesn't it make sense to proceed in an orderly and organized manner, effectively using these five steps?

Are Your Goals & Dreams, YOUR GOALS & DREAMS?

You can't be true to yourself by trying to live someone else's dreams, or have someone else's goals! How much time and effort do you spend on you? What is really important to you, and why? Don't immediately respond in generalities, but rather make those goals and dreams specific, essential, personal and truly meaningful! What does success mean to you, and why? What are you committed to do in order to achieve to your potential? Unless your goals and dreams are personally meaningful, they will not inspire you or motivate you to persevere, persist and focus on your needs? Do you really believe in your goals, and how would achieving them serve to make your life better, more meaningful, or create a significant and essential difference? In any endeavor, in any business setting, one must seek his own personal Nirvana? For example, every professional Real Estate Agent, must make his or her own decisions as to his code of ethics, priorities, and how to best serve his customers and clients. There is no one - size - fits - all approach, to what is most important and relevant to others. One must understand that goals and dreams only make a real difference when an individual feels strongly and deeply about them, and creates them personally, rather than merely adopting someone else's goals/ dreams and/ or priorities.
 
1. In the past three plus decades, I have presented personal development/ self growth seminars to thousands of individuals. One of the essential steps in evolving to create the best you, is to create and use affirmations in an impactful and personally meaningful manner. However, unless one is willing to personalize these affirmations, they do not accomplish what they will if they are personal in nature! This means that there is no place for generalities, popularity concerns. or cliches in developing one's affirmations. It is always more effective when each of our personal ten affirmations are indeed personal, as well as specific in nature! What is an affirmation? At their best, they are stated only in the present tense and are in every day areas that we feel we can be better in, or do better at! For example, if one realizes he needs to lose weight, instead of saying, "I want to lose weight," or even "I will lose weight," the impactful way must be stated in the present, for example, by saying, "I live each day in a healthy manner, carefully selecting what I eat, and enjoy how it makes me look and feel."

2. Far too often, we resort to cliche or "safe" goals and dreams. These are almost always far too general in nature, and do not end up providing the needed call to action that personal dreams lead us to. Some cliche/ generalized dreams/ goals include: making more money (or even using a specific dollar amount); winning a race/ contest/ endeavor; selling more; being happy, etc. Corresponding and preferred personalized dreams would rather be: affording a four bedroom, three bath home in a specific location; creating value for others by achieving what needs to be done, and not merely accepting the status quo; becoming a better salesperson, learning the best techniques, and using them so I can achieve my personal goals; carefully defining what happiness means to you!

Make your affirmations personal and specific. Create a personal Affirmation List, include ten specific items, and read them to yourself, in a private setting, at least three times each and every day. When our dreams and goals align precisely with your affirmations in a personally meaningful manner, then they will motivate you to be the best you can be!

Strategic Planning - Usage and Importance

Like many activities and projects, many organizations enter into strategic planning in a very limited way. They often treat the process in much the same manner as they often treat the budget process- that is, as an exercise rather than a potentially extremely effective tool. In more than three decades, I have successfully guided numerous organizations through the vital intricacies of the process, and have also witnessed many organizations that simply went through the motions of strategic planning, often merely to be able to say they did so. Properly done, and performed at consistent regular periods, effective strategic planning can often be a major factor and difference between a stagnant and a successful evolving organization. This is not only true as it relates to organizations, but applies to many aspects of our personal lives. If you want to sell or buy a home, what is your plan? What do you want/ need to achieve and what are your top priorities? When you discuss your finances with an adviser, do you discuss overall strategy, with an emphasis on the goals?
 
We can understand much about strategic planning from sports analogies. Yogi Berra said, "If you don't know where you are going, you are certain to end up somewhere else." While we often laugh at many of what are commonly referred to as "Yogi-isms," this statement points to the need to put down on paper clear cut objectives, and for leaders to have a meaningful vision. By doing this, an organization knows what it wants to accomplish, which is practically speaking, the first step to getting there. Therefore, an organization should break up the strategic planning process into stages. Remember that everything that applies to organizations also applies to your personal approach!
 
1. The first stage is identifying where an organization (or you are) is, in terms of strengths, weaknesses, goals and objectives.

2. The next step is to clearly examine the existing Mission Statement of the organization, and see if and how it might need to be tweaked (or what your own mission might be)

3. Then, each aspect of the organization must be looked at, including governance, financial/ fiscal, membership, mission, successes and weaknesses, training programs, leadership/ leadership training, staffing needs, programming and events, priorities, etc. (In your own life, how to your financial and personal planning seek an overall goal?)

4. Finally, the strategic plan must morph into a viable action plan, including all relevant time lines, priorities, responsibilities, reviews, and evaluations.

5. Finally, a schedule must be decided upon, where the strategic plan is reviewed, updated and upgraded, if necessary.

The great hockey star, Wayne Gretzky is famous for saying, "I always skate to where I think the puck is going to be." Similarly, organizations (and each of us) must be willing to continuously take their pulse to see both where they are and where they are going to be. This requires an emphasis on having a clear vision for the organization (or yourself), and understanding the significance of continuously evolving an organization to better meet the needs and requirements of its membership. It is not enough to merely talk about strategic planning, but rather there is a clear need to always work to assure that an organization maximizes its potential, and enhances the membership experience.

Is Business Ethics an Oxymoron??

We often read and hear references to business ethics. Undergraduate and post graduate courses dedicate large amounts of time and resources to the topic. However, if one were to ask the average consumer if he believed that most businesses were conducted in an ethical manner, we would predominately receive negative responses. Simply stated, ethics can be defined as doing the right thing, the moral thing, and treating others with honor and respect. Related to business, this concept would include several items, and when we evaluate how most businesses conducted business, we would often avoid referring to these practices as moral. Whether this is about a large business or a service - oriented business, representative or agent, shouldn't every customer/ consumer be entitled to honest, ethical treatment? If you are buying or selling your home, you deserve this type of honorable treatment, and the industry has a Code of Ethics, yet many who have been involved in this process, complain of lack of transparency, honor or ethics by certain agents. This also often occurs when people are asked about the behavior of their Financial Adviser. 

1. One of the necessities of being ethical is telling the truth. However, when we look at how businesses, services and products are often promoted, the truth is stretched rather thin. One example, of course is the mobile communications or cell phone industry. Each carrier runs ads trying to convince us how superior they are. However, since there are no legal requirements even for using terminology such as "4G," and each carrier handles their lines differently, there is often quite a bit of variation. For example, going strictly by its ads, one would believe that Verizon cellular service is nearly perfect. Its advertisements makes claims about the clarity of its calls, how few calls are dropped, its speed, etc. While that is the case in some areas, several of my friends on Verizon service experience dropped calls, etc., in various areas, while having excellent service in others. AT&T Mobility claims its system is fastest, and in some areas it is. I use the system and have had wonderful experience, yet, I know others who have been extremely disappointed. Sprint customers have similar experiences, and I have had wonderful experience with Sprint's Air Card, which works well nearly everywhere I've used it. However, as good as it is, it is certainly not as quick as wired or WiFi service. Every other service has its proponents, as well as its attackers. The issue is not which service is the best, but rather how the services promote themselves. While effective advertising is self - promotional by definition, misleading ads are certainly not terribly ethical.

2. Have you ever gone into a store and purchased something, and the store quickly asks you if you'd like to purchase an Extended Warranty. While there is nothing wrong with offering this, nor with the stores making additional revenues doing so, have you ever been given a clear cut explanation of what is and is not covered, and the limitations. Remember, we are discussing ethics here!

3. Investment Advisers are another area of ethical concern. Is the individual an unbiased adviser, or is he simply a salesman disguising himself as an adviser? Both duties and functions are acceptable, but which is ethical?

4. In Real Estate, does the average buyer truly understand the difference between being represented by a Buyers Agent, a Brokers Agent, and a Sellers Agent? In New York State, for example, by law, prospective buyers must be given an Agency Agreement that explains each of these. Yet, if the average buyer truly understood the differences, one would think the vast majority would prefer using a Buyers Agent, whose loyalty is directly to the buyer. Is this an ethical dilemma?

There are so many situations in business where there is the opportunity for a business, product, or representative to opt to either prioritize ethical behavior, or to merely do what might be expedient and in the store (or business, product, or reps) best interest, rather than the customer (or buyer). Therefore, one must wonder if business ethics is another  oxymoron, such as military intelligence, moral politician, etc.

Why Quality Negotiating Is Both An ART & A SCIENCE?

Have you ever thought about how many aspects of life are related to, or involve negotiating? Isn't it a fact that nearly everything we do ends up more successfully if we are capable negotiators? However, despite the fact that it is so important, whether we are involved in selling, leadership, contracts, any business aspect, as well as in our day - to - day interpersonal dealings, very few individuals ever fully explore the needs, requirements, components, techniques, or nuances that are so relevant. Those considering selling or buying a home, and determining who to hire to represent them as their agent, should interview potential people to understand their negotiating philosophy and/ or approach, because this is invariably an essential component in the most effective real estate representation. Unlike many other techniques, effective negotiations must be understood as both an ART, as well as a SCIENCE!

1. The A, R and T of ART should help propel us towards creating the best opportunity for success. Of course, it begins with the right attitude, which must be positive, proactive, and one that willingly cooperates. When this becomes the opening mindset, the negotiations are approached to bring forth a win - win scenario, rather than an adversarial beat you opponent one!

2. Never go into a negotiation unless you do so by seeing reality the way it is, rather than merely the way you might wish it to be! This requires a commitment and search for actually understanding needs and nuances, and going forth with an open mind, rather than prejudging.

3. No negotiation, no matter how well trained or qualified the negotiator may be, will bring forth the results you desire unless you understand that there must be mutual trust between negotiating parties. However, one can't just hope for, expect or ask for this type of trust, but rather must earn it, by a combination of his actions, empathy, and commitment to absolute integrity.

4. As essential as the ART is to this activity, it must also be understood that there is also a SCIENCE involved. This must always begin by focusing on your search for agreement. How can this go anywhere meaningful unless both sides commit to, and seek agreement/ meeting of the minds?

5. It is important to aim towards some degree of common ground, where neither side feels he is merely winning or losing.

6. While you can use all your efforts and best intentions towards achieving these necessities, one can never control what others do or how they may behave. Therefore, it is important to proceed with ingenuity and absolute integrity.

7. Listen effectively, and view needs from the eyes of the other party. Only when there is a focus on empathy can progress be made the way you desire.

8. Remember that things are rarely simply black and white! Effective negotiating requires mastering the various nuances.

9. You must have a certain degree of clarity and consideration, if you want to end up with a contract where both sides feel resulted in a fair and reasonable manner.

10. Is your energy level maintained at a the highest possible level, in a positive, meaningful and significant manner? Lethargy and negativity are generally the cancers to successful negotiations!

The better you understand what negotiating involves, the more effective one will be. The combination of a variety of skills, perceptions and attitudes, used in a synergistic manner, will usually get you to the point you wish to be.

Economic News: The Hype, The Reality, and How Our Perspective Skews the Facts

No wonder most people don't understand the economy! Often what might seem good on one hand, has bad side effects on the other. For example, the stock market rises- one would think that was good! But that was mostly due to the rising price of oil- bad news. But, often the price of oil rises because the "experts" believe the economy is improving and thus more oil will be needed in production- good news! But that rise in oil prices causes the cost of living to increase- bad news. But that helps the Gross Domestic Product (GDP)- good news! But that then causes inflation- bad news. But that inflation means the economy is improving- good news! But then the Fed becomes concerned about inflation and raises interest rates- bad news! Which causes the value of the dollar to improve- good news! But that hurts exports because now American products cost more overseas- bad news! But that means foreign products cost less in the US- good news! But that hurts American companies competitiveness- bad news! We read or hear about real estate news, including sales data, trends, new builds, etc. Yet, how these things are measured often skews our views, and then if enough people become influenced by a particular article, report or point of view, many people begin to behave in some specific manner! Is it good or bad that oil prices are now their lowest in years? If you use oil to heat your home, or if you drive a car, it should be good news, but then some economic report tells us how bad or dangerous an indicator it may be! Low interest rates translate to lower mortgage rates, but it also means lower interest paid by banks on our deposits. If you're retired and on a fixed income, interest rates have a different meaning and significance, perhaps, than it does to younger individuals.
 
If we think that political analysis and political chatter is often more hype than anything else, the same can certainly be said about analyzing economic news! You can readily see why economic news often seems co confusing. Economic news often seems confusing because it is - - what is good for one consumer, might be bad for another- what is good for one company, bad for another- what might be good for one sector of economy- bad for others.

The stock market is often the most confusing. On days when there is "bad news," the market often goes up, while on some "good news" days, the market sometimes goes down! While the Dow, or the S&P, etc., might go up, it does not mean that the stock(s) you own, will follow suit. Nearly every day, the media reports that a company's financial results either exceeded or failed to meet expectations. Shouldn't that say something to us about expectations and forecasts done by the so - called professionals?

Too often, for the sake of a sound-byte, the media tries to over-simplify economic news. Yet the economy is by definition quite complex. The one issue there should be some agreement on is that high unemployment is not good. Even in this area, should we look at official unemployment rates, under - employment, or the number of people who have given up, and no longer are seeking jobs? Yet even in that case, the "experts" can't agree upon, nor act upon a viable solution.

The best way to think about the economy is this-- the difference between a recession and a depression is that it's a recession when it happens to someone else-- it's a depression when it happens to you!

It is my belief that a healthy economy requires certain factors to be in place - - low joblessness; high consumer confidence; a strong manufacturing sector; and reduced government deficits. That is what we must demand!

Motivated by Fears or PURPOSE?

Individual and distinctive features and factors often impact what inevitably motivates us, either to take action or to procrastinate. In addition, our personal preferences, situations, and mindset often lead us to view things in a specific manner, which often will dictate how we proceed, etc. Which motivates you the most often and strongly: your fears, or your PURPOSE? The essential reality for most of us is that we can either choose to propel ourselves forward in a synergistic manner that aligns with our purpose and motivations, or we can opt to become entrenched and entrapped by our self - limiting and inhibiting fears. Only when our quest for meaningfulness outdoes our restrictive comfort zone, do we become capable of achieving near our potential.

Consider this from the perspective of how our motivations impact some of our essential day - to - day, and/ or major considerations/ behaviors. One example is how either buyers or sellers behave and think, when they are going through the process. Is the buyer letting his fears, either financial, commitment, or inability to make a essential decision, or does his sense of purpose motivate him to pursue a better plan, and look at things more logically than emotionally?
 
1. Potential is the primary first component of this process. Few individuals achieve to the maximum they can, because they proceed through life in an apparent state of perpetual fear of failure!

2. It should never be considered sufficient for anyone to simply progress through their day to day lives, but rather they must feel an essential sense of usefulness in what they do, and aim for.

3. Is your plan one that combines being relevant with being realistic? Relevance without a realistic chance of achievement will achieve little of significance, and is often what those who stress rhetoric over achievement. Those combining both components maintain the ability to move forward, because they feel better about themselves!

4. Is your course of action well - meaning but rather haphazard, or is it rather plan - directed in a manner that creates meaningful priorities that enhance one's focus and opportunities for achievement?

5. Analyzing alternatives in an objective manner positons us best to understand and evaluate the most essential options that will determine whether we take advantage of the various opportunities that cross our path on a nearly daily basis! Proceeding in the manner that best addresses needs and objectives is consistently the best course.

6. Evaluate and understand your personal strengths and weaknesses, and use what your capabilities are to their best avail, while simultaneously addressing areas that could use some improvement. This should aim in a direction where we set our sights towards something meaningful.

7. Do you only consider yourself, or are you willing to view things from the perspectives of others (are you empathetic)? This requires commitment to genuine introspective, objective self - examination. 

Consider what makes you tick before you look elsewhere! Don't let the easier course of following your fears prevail! Are you focused on the fear of failure, fear of success, or motivated by a constructive sense of  PURPOSE?